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Post by Hannah on Jun 19, 2008 17:34:32 GMT 1
Please please please let the adult services be understanding tomorrow, not horrible like I have expected them to be. Please let them let me come off meds. Please let them not think of me as stupid. Please?
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Post by Hannah on Jun 21, 2008 16:28:29 GMT 1
I don't want to go anywhere. So stop bugging me about looking presentable, I just don't need it today. Let me hide, please?
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Post by Hannah on Sept 15, 2008 16:54:40 GMT 1
*trig*
Too much going 'round in my head. I need a break. On Saturday I am moving out of home. Absolutely petrified and excited at the same time. Petrified as I will have to walk outside on my own. Excited because of the maths. And the freedom. And the fact I can get away with eating 1 meal a day. And the fact I can cut deeper. And OD. And make myself sick. And eat foods I am allergic to. And drink lots. Going to go with the intention of self destructing. Which is such a bad way of looking at it. But I can't change it. I am stuck on this path, not able to change direction.
I feel rotten, I have maths tests next week, I have my psych doing a home visit on Friday with my CPN, which means having a clean house. Not having piles in the rooms they might go in, even if they are piles of paperwork for uni. Or piles with toilet rolls and saucepans and posters. Nor piles with dressings, micropore and other first aid stuff ready for uni.
I just want a break. Not to die- I need to work out whether uni is going to be good before getting to that stage again. But a break from the mess that is my life.
Teaching 4 days this week, then back down to only teaching on a Saturday. I am reluctant to take on more Saturday students so then I have no commitments. So trips to A&E can be done, or stays in psych units if I get that bad. I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I can't alter it now. I have become so blinkered on this.
But I can't tell anyone, because they will stop me going to uni. And having got this far, that would just be awful. Meh.
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Post by Hannah on Nov 29, 2008 17:43:03 GMT 1
I don't want to go back to hospital. I want to sleep in my own bed, drink alcohol every night, and not eat for days on end. Instead, I will sleep in a broken hospital bed, drink tea and be force fed food all through every day. I just want to be given my own space, and be able to do what I have to do, instead of being forced to keep myself safe. I give up.
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